i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
