Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
