what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
