John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
