his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
