I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
two words...techno handjob
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
