there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
