WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
