I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize