If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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