I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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