I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
