Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
