God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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