Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
