Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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