Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
