I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
