I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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