if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
