Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
