You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
