I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
