i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
