Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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