She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
