2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
