I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
