Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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