Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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