So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
