My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
