That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Boobs speak an international language.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
