your parents love me but you hate me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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