So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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