Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
