I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
