Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
