let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
