Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
