I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
