you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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