8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
