There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
