Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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