My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
