I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
