i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I stole a fireplace last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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