take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
