You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
