I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
