her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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